I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
