Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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