I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
