I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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