My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
where are you?
Hypothermia
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
