I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
