A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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