tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
