Your face is a jimmy john
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
