Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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