Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
