Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
