Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
