I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
