i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just wanna soil my oats bro
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
