Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
id be glad to
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
