man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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