I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
