my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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