the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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