Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we're so committed to being not committed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
