you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
