i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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