If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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