I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
