ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
