Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
