There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
