too bad you live with your parents still
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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