So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
