Duck Duck Cougar?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just high enough for therapy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
