I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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