There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I could fuck to npr.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
