I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Less talking, more tequila
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
