Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
