I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
