I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
