It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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