Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
