Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
