On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
