My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
