I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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