I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
