Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
