The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
