she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
