i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
