i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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