I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
