Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
